Category Archives: Humour

Do not date THIS guy

Saw this article on msn… i find it kind of interesting therefore decided to share it here… Happy Reading…

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As the sayings go, “the skies the limit” and “there are many fish in the sea”. But, there are just some ‘fish’ that are going to cause you a real tummy ache if you eat them – so much more pain than pleasure. Here are a list of those you should be looking out for and steering clear off.

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Do you find yourself constantly being let down by the men you date and bouncing between being single and in a relationship as often as Jessica Simpson? The problem isn’t you; it’s the men you’re dating.

The holes in your dating sieve are currently bigger than the one we have in the ozone layer, and its allowing any man who shows you even the smallest morsel of attention into your life. You need to tighten the reins on your life and raising the dating bar. It’s a huge experiment requiring lots of trial and error, but there are certain men who don’t even deserve an ounce of your attention. And, once you know what to look for, it’s not too hard to sift through the rest of the dating pool to find Mr Right.

But, until Mr Right does come along, here’s a list of guys you should definitely banish from your list of potential options.

Mr Tin Heart

The emotionally unavailable man has been the pitfall of many single women. Yet, he’s the easiest of the species to spot. So why do we get ourselves into such a mess with him when we usually know early on that it would sooner snow in Malaysia before you can get him to commit?

“These women really believe that they can change a man’s mind about being with them, or they simply make themselves believe they can, because they feel like they have no other choice,” explains Sally Reeves* a relationship counselor.

There’s usually a reason why these men can’t commit. Your job isn’t to figure out why that reason has come to be, but instead, if it’s a reason that’s actually good enough for you. If it is, then may be you need to look at yourself and ask “why don’t I find somebody who is ready for commitment?” says Susan Jeffers, author of  ‘Opening Our Hearts To Men.’

#1 Playa

He’s the perfect lover, makes you feel like you’re the queen of his world and that he’s perched you high above a pedestal away from any other woman in his sight. He’s well-dressed, charming, witty, funny, and his manners are impeccable. He’s out to make an impact on the women he makes, and he’ll definitely make that impact on you…and every other woman that tickles his fancy.

Every woman will come across at least one of this kind in her lifetime, and while the charm and attention may be extremely flattering, don’t be fooled. You know you’ll be nursing a broken heart when he gets bored.

Mr Mummy

In Western cultures, any 20something year old man still living under his parent’s roof would (almost literally) be laughed out of house and home. While the same concept cannot be applied here in Asia, it’s not hard to spot a mummy’s boy.

The signs aren’t even subtle. He’s always going to choose is mum (or aunt or sister) over you. And while there may be times he’s hesitant about making that decision, make no mistake, the end outcome will always be the same: Mum 1 – You 0.

What’s worse, when things don’t work out, he’ll believe that the issues lay with you not trying hard enough to get along with his family.

Tan Sri Lambat (a.k.a. Sir Late-A-Lot)

Let’s be honest here: the concept of ‘Malaysian timing’ is just an all too common excuse for us to be late. But the fact that we know there’s going to be traffic, yet make no allowances for it, just says that we’re being disrespectful. Same goes for a guy. If he knows he’s made an appointment to meet you at a certain time, yet can’t be bothered to plan around that accordingly, he’s pretty much saying, “I’m unreliable, disorganised and I don’t really respect your time.”

“Every time you break a time promise there is a consequence and you are sending a subtle message to the person you stood up that they are less important than you or whatever you were doing” Karen Kawalec*, a behavioral specialist and counsellor from the UK. “Do this enough, and you’ll strain the relationship you have with this person for the long term. It also says that you aren’t responsible, reliable, or maybe even sincere and honest.”

Mr Office-Is-My-Home

We applaud men with ambition. We applaud their dreams and aspirations and seriously, that go-getter attitude is sexy! But there’s a time and place for everyone, and no job needs to be worked at all day, every day.

On the plus side, the workaholic is always well-dressed with impeccable manners and an admirable knowledge of many things. He knows how to make you feel like a real lady. On the other hand, dinner dates (if they hadn’t already been cancelled) will usually turn into a solo affair, with you picking at the food while he screams down the phone about some deal or the other.

However, we’re not going to relegate all workaholics to the no-fly zone of dead beat men. You’ll have to exercise some discretion, and patience, to sort through the ones you can deal with and the absolute no-hopers.

Mr Whiny

This guy’s self-esteem has fallen so low, it’s almost made friends with the Hobbits of middle Earth. But, he doesn’t think it’s his fault; it’s always someone else’s.

Maira*, a psychologist of 10 years says, “as an adult, pity becomes a burden. It’s almost endearing for a child to be sucking its thumb and clutching a blanket. For an adult, well… you’re not going win a whole lot of admiration among your peers! Pity disconnects you. It disconnects you from yourself, from other people, from your world, and from your won control.”

His constant belief that he is the victim means he’s always seeking attention and becomes distressed when he feels he isn’t getting what he needs. While some women’s overpowering maternal instinct draws them to men like this, eventually, they will get tiring.

Mr Quick Trick

Admittedly, everyone lies. But, this lying leech has an excuse for e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

At the start of you relationship, the fibs were subtle. You knew there was something not quite right about his explanation but he backed it up with something solid, so you let him get away with it. But, the more he gets away with, the bigger his lies get.

“It’s like he couldn’t help himself and was addicted to lying!” says Shauna* of her ex. “I used to believe him at first because they were just little things, but eventually, they became so frequent, and sometimes were even so ridiculous I actually felt embarrased for him!”

The Ex Texter

There’s nothing wrong with being friends and keeping in touch with your ex, but too much contact can prove detrimental to future relationships.

“When you continue an emotional relationship with someone instead of letting go, you will usually have subconscious feelings for them or realise that the feelings never went away, which can be damaging to new or potential relationships,” Sally* says. “But, you get a rush from doing it and from hearing back, and it’s naughty, yet safe in its own right.”

The Game Boy

Nothing wrong with a man and his game console…unless he chooses it over you.

“In the broad sense, it’s (consoles) a substitute for social interaction, or just another outlet” explains Ken Lee*, who works in a computer games outlet. “Computer games represent an individual challenge for men and can be a way of relaxing.”

In a way, gaming to men is what shopping is to women – therapy. But, that doesn’t mean we shop all the time. The absolute danger sign ladies, is when he calls in sick at work because (a) he didn’t sleep the night before battling zombies or (b) he needs the day to advance to the next level. When that happens, either ‘accidentally’ trip and spill a mug of hot tea over the console, or, if you fear that may endanger your life lest he rage at you, just leave his keys by the door and leave. You’ll be better of for doing it.

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HOW TO GET THE POLICE COME A-RUNNING?? And it happens everywhere

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU’RE OLD AND DON’T MOVE FAST ANYMORE

George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” He said “No,” but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available. ” George said, “Okay.”

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot them.” and he hung up..

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

The moral of the story is “Don’t mess with old people “

Live well, laugh often, love much!!!

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Something New

accidently saw tis UOB brochure… promoting the child’s UOB Junior Savers…

in order to attract more children or parents… they came out with this little white/grey elephant named “Humphrey”…

reminds me of someone closely… *evil grim*

The slogan is “Join in the colourful world of Humphrey”  *Damn it*

Do u want to join him in his colourful world???  a world full of shit…  -_-”

Humphrey the little white/grey elephant… *BIL*

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Last Working Day of 2008

Today is the last working day for 2008… we are praying hard  for skipper to release us early during breakfast…

our prayers are answered and our working hours ended at 1100hrs…

everyone left the office on the dot… expect for me… thought of clearing some urgent stuff before the transport arrives…

as i was busy typing away… i heard a sound coming from somewhere…

“de…. de…. de….”  so i stopped and listened… “de…. de…. de….”

coming from Mdm Patiama’s cubicle… i remembered tat she has left…

so i called out ” Mdm Patiama..! ” *no response*

so i thought maybe its wind… and i continued my work…

within a sec… the sound came back again…

so this time i listened carefully where the sound came from…

i am very sure tat the sound came from Mdm Patiama’s cubicle… so i went over to check where the sound came from…

when i walked over… the sound disappeared… and i cant find any object moving… so i walked around the office to see if anyopne is still around in case i missed out any…

when i realised tat i am alone in the office… feeling kind of eerie…

quickly went back to my cubicle to finish up my work…

the moment i sit down… i heard the typing sound again…

in order to calm myself… i turned up the volume of my radio and continue typing… *ignore the sound*

in my heart i keep repeating telling myself… i jus want to clear as much as i could and get out of this place by 1230hrs… i din do anything wrong so i dun have to scare…

about 1200hrs, i managed to clear some stuff and i went to toliet since its still early… i am so surprise to see the office next door still have ppl around…

so i went over to check it out… Mdm Helen was still in the office working… so i ask her if she is leaving at 1230hrs… we can go back together…

i quickly packed and locked up my stuff and waited in the next office…

i related my incident to Mdm Helen… she claimed that was wind… and we left the building…

still feeling kind of eerie when i related tis incident to Angeline over at her hse for dinner…  *scary sia*

next time i dare not stay back OT alone then… super scary lor… must have at least someone to accompany sia…

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Share my Jokes

wanted to share a few jokes i heard recently…

Joke 1 – Part 1

There is this family of 5 including a dog… the whole family are very lazy… they dun like to do house work… so one day father arrowed mother to mop the floor while mother arrowed elder daughter to mop the floor…

the elder daughter then arrowed youngest sister to mop the floor… as for the sister who is the youngest in the family… she has on one to arrowed to… so she told the dog to mop the floor instead and walked off… so in the end the dog mopped the floor…

so the curious neighbour asked the dog why did he has to mop the floor? the dog replied the neighbour “bcos the family all very lazy and no one is doing this so ended up i have to mop the floor lor… but dun tell anyone tat i told u these if not they will ask me to answer calls…

Joke 1 – Part 2

When i was bathing jus now… my house phone rang a few times while i am in the bathroom… so happen my family is out…  so when i came out from the bathroom… i tell my dog angily… “bebe!! u dun know how to answer the phone ah… the phone just kept ringing… tell them tat no one is at home la…”  after scolding my poor dog… he jus sat at the sofa helplessly looking at me… still trying to figure out wat’s happening…

Joke 2

I was listening to 933 one morning… when the male DJ mentioned about the new advertisement for the mega big mac…

the DJs will joking about the mega big mac… the male DJ was saying tat the normal size big mac already very filling liao… and macdonald still come out with mega big mac… who the hell will eat such a big burger? so the female DJ asked the male DJ what will he do if he sees a gal eating mega big mac…

the male DJ replied tat he will give her the respect for finishing such a big burger… but in underneath my heart… i will be very scared of her…

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After watching Madagascar 2 – Escape 2 Africa during our company event… got obessed by the characters… i started to named my collegues with the characters in Madagascar…and make fun of them…

King Julian and Maurice, Skipper and gang, Alex, Marty, Melman, Gloria and Moto Moto, the chimps…

I loved the song  “you gotta move it move it…”  it was played in attica on friday… *cute*

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老查某 MTV

found tis clip accidentially… super funny…

maybe tis clip is meant to promote her blog bah…

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Woman’s Theory

1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right & you need to shut up.
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2) Five minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
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3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, & you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
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4) Go ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!!!
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5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by them. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot & wonders why she is wasting her time standing here & arguing with you about nothing. (refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
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6) It’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. It’s okay means she wants to think long & hard > before deciding how & when you will pay for your mistake.
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7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.
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8) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying F**K YOU!
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9) Nevermind, I’ll do it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response refer to #3.

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